The Gospel According To St. Titleist

THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO ST. TITLEIST

May thy ball lie in green pastures -- and not in still waters. ~Author Unknown

The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course. ~Billy Graham

Golf appeals to the idiot and the child in us. Just how childlike golfers become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five. ~John Updike

It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf. ~Robert Lynd

If profanity had an influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is. ~Horace G. Hutchinson 

They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. Golf is more complicated than that. ~Gardner Dickinson

If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.  ~Sam Snead

Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness. ~William Wordsworth

If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt. ~Dean Martin

If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don't have to waste energy going back to pick it up. ~Tommy Bolt

Man blames fate for other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole in one. ~Author Unknown

I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they'd come up sliced. ~Author Unknown

My handicap? Woods and irons. ~Chris Codiroli
       
The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flag stick on top. ~Pete Dye

I'm hitting the woods just great -- but having a terrible time getting out of them! ~Author Unknown

If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. ~Jack Lemmon

It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. ~Mark Twain

Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty. ~Harry Vardon

The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie. ~George Deukmejian

Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe. ~Author Unknown

       If I hit it right, it's a slice.
       If I hit it left, it's a hook.
       If I hit it straight, it's a miracle.
         ~Author Unknown